Be you w/ Susie Sprigg

Episode 43- Be you

Transcript

:: 00:04

Welcome to mental wealth, the podcast to invest in your mind. Here I will help you make sense of your mind and behaviours, giving you the tools to have your best life. There is so much to share, so let's get into this episode and explore another great topic.

:: 00:22

Welcome to episode 43.

:: 00:26

We in this episode are going to talk about ourselves again, our personalities, our traits, our behaviours, and I've brought an expert in to share this episode with so I would love to welcome Susie Sprigg to the episode.

:: 00:41

Thank you very much for having me, Allison.

:: 00:43

Tell.

:: 00:44

Everyone a little bit about you first.

:: 00:46

Oh wow, so I am 48 years old.

:: 00:49

Why did I start

:: 00:50

With that? 48 years old and and I used to be an accountant and my life changed when a significant event happened to my to me, which, when I all of a sudden became a widow.

:: 01:03

And and I probably want to share about the grieving journey and the healing journey that you go on and how this is that I finally have.

:: 01:13

The.

:: 01:14

Had some opportunity to to put the spotlight on me and think about what is it I want? What am I good at? What do I want out of life and?

:: 01:23

And maybe talk about personal development journey, because that's one thing I think we always forget to do, don't we? We're always so busy and focused on looking after everybody else and getting outside validation that we forget to to look at ourselves and check in with ourselves and see.

:: 01:39

If we're OK.

:: 01:40

Yeah, love that. And I think you're right.

:: 01:42

So we do generally spend a lot of time focused on what everyone else needs focused on the job that you might have focused on the House that you're trying to create, the sort of life that you're trying to do. And actually one of my big things is if we're not focused on us, that internal.

:: 02:02

Worlds that kind of where your thoughts and behaviours and feelings are coming from, then we really often are so externally focused we are missing, aren't we so much good stuff.

:: 02:14

And interestingly, my episode last week we were talking about sometimes sitting with your horrible stuff and and actually having that creativity that comes out of those darker days. And I'm sure that's obviously something that you're touching on there.

:: 02:33

Definitely because everything's an emotion and feeling and and you cannot move away from it because it always comes and we and we might talk about the universe quite a lot. I believe. I believe in the law of attraction in the universe and and they will keep sending people your way lessens your way until.

:: 02:51

Those you've learned the lesson? I guess, not. Lesson but.

:: 02:53

There's, there's always.

:: 02:55

Something that you're you you you're learning from.

:: 02:57

I think so.

:: 02:58

I I often like to talk about that things happen for us, not not to us, because in my book I talk about the reset class and you know how often we find ourselves in a similar situation. And if you ever catch yourself saying why does this keep happening?

:: 03:05

Yeah.

:: 03:17

Me. Then there is something there for you to pause and think about exactly that. Why does it keep happening to you? And then you can start to make some.

:: 03:27

Images.

:: 03:28

I'll I I say it like it's like a computer.

:: 03:30

Game, you know.

:: 03:31

In computer games where you've got to get to level one level one and then to level 2 Level 3 and you can't get past level 1 until you've collected some coins or some machinery or something like that, which you actually need to to succeed on level 2. So you have to keep doing level 1.

:: 03:49

Until you get all your coins or whatever like that to get to level 2.

:: 03:52

I love that. What a great metaphor that is.

:: 03:53

Yeah, it's not positive. I think. I mean, you gotta go to the next levels and you'll keep repeating each each level till you get everything.

:: 03:55

Yeah.

:: 04:00

Because I think something that I often observe people.

:: 04:04

Is to use your metaphor, they're still collecting the coins at this level, but they get frustrated. They that's there's a risk then, that they might start to give up because it's not working quick enough or it's not actually getting them what they want, but actually just that basic stuff and and a lot of that, you know, we could liken that metaphor.

:: 04:25

Self-care to self kindness to self compassion. They could be those very simple coins that you're collecting. Yeah, yeah, I love that. I think that's absolutely brilliant. But until go.

:: 04:33

Yeah. Your self compassion coin, your self care.

:: 04:36

Yeah.

:: 04:40

Well, I'm listening to an audio book at the moment and it talks just about that. She's called Jamie Kern Lima. And is she a lady who created her own makeup products and sold them for billions of pounds and their books called Worthy?

:: 04:54

OK.

:: 04:57

And she talks about self worth, which is your inside your inner work. And she also talks about then self-confidence because a lot of people talk about confidence, don't make confidence is something which are exterior, isn't it? They're people where it's all.

:: 05:12

About maybe skills.

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That kind of thing. But you need both.

:: 05:17

If it's self worth and self-confidence to be like that whole. Yeah, so that if you have self worth if anything happens on the external world such as rejection. I.

:: 05:29

Don't know or.

:: 05:31

Disappointment. You still have that common that, that, that, that foundational self worth it, it doesn't Rock You as much and it's and it's a case of that's OK let let's move on. So yeah, just something like that.

:: 05:44

Yeah.

:: 05:46

Yeah, like that. And I think something else that I often hear people say and I used to say it myself is when you are externally focused. So you are thinking about what everyone else is doing or worrying about everyone else or your boundaries aren't.

:: 06:00

Secure enough? Because you haven't got that self worth the risk of putting yourself into situations is so high that then it's almost self fulfilling. You're not then doing what's right for you. You then feel rubbish and unhappy and so it goes round and round.

:: 06:17

And round doesn't.

:: 06:17

It yeah, repeat, repeat, repeat. So yeah, I think that's really interesting.

:: 06:22

So let's hear a little bit more about.

:: 06:25

What your realisations were, because I've heard you say, you know, you knew that you were externally focused a bit more and you needed to look at yourself and find out a little bit more about yourself. And one of the reasons why I think it's brilliant that we're going to share these journeys is to help other people realise, A, you're not alone and.

:: 06:44

B, there is another side. It is worth doing the work. You know. I hear people often say, you know, come and work with me and I'll get rid of your fear or come and work with.

:: 06:53

Me and I'll transform you, but actually, if you haven't got that inner work.

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Or you're prepared.

:: 07:01

To put yourself forward, if particularly if you have got some trauma or some grief or some something, some limiting thoughts or beliefs that somebody else has told you.

:: 07:10

Those things won't happen unless you do that in a work.

:: 07:15

Yeah. So, well, I'll do it this and stop talking like my first significant event was when I was 15 years old and my dad passed away. So it's, you know, it's it's just and no, never. You're never prepared. No. Whatever teaches you resilience. You notice that there is no school of resilience. You don't get taught.

:: 07:18

Whistle.

:: 07:31

Sure.

:: 07:35

How to react to things and and then the second significant event and, my mom passed away when she was 25.

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And it's only when someone said to me, oh, now you're an orphan. What you what you're gonna do and like, I'm like, what? I didn't ever consider myself. And orphan you know, the people, all these external labels. I never.

:: 07:57

And then I had a really good career in accounting and I worked for some really good companies and they invested in their people. They they put us on 12, the 12 person development courses.

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And all about.

:: 08:09

Mastering motivation and the power of belief.

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And and then work for a few companies that they weren't investing in your personal development. The biggest change was when my husband passed away when he was only 52 and I was 43 and that was huge because we would talk about our future. You know, we always talk about our.

:: 08:33

Future.

:: 08:34

And and when we've been changed to healing.

:: 08:38

I I write down some personal development because I thought to myself there was time to be quiet because I always didn't. I wasn't working and it was time for that self reflection. There was only a lot of time for self.

:: 08:50

Reflection.

:: 08:51

And and I realised that I was just for the last 10 years.

:: 08:54

I've just been giving the best of me to strangers.

:: 08:58

To think about work, you give the best of yourselves to strangers, and when you get home, there's nothing left and you give the worst of yourself to the.

:: 09:06

People you love the.

:: 09:07

Most, but that does not make sense to it. Do. It doesn't make sense.

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:: 09:11

:: 09:12

:: 09:13

So I looked at the coaching coaching Academy and they were doing a a training course a one day training course on disc personality profiling, which was all about understanding different people's personality styles and why we do what we do and why we say we're saying I thought, you know, I'm interested in that and that one day was so many light bulb moments. It was the first day of the rest of my life.

:: 09:34

Because for the first time ever, I truly understood me and I learned to love and accept myself for just how it was. And I think that's the greatest gift you can give yourself.

:: 09:44

It really is. I love that. And thank you for sharing because I know that's obvious.

:: 09:48

Really personal to you sharing that little whistle stop of your life? Because I know it's got so much more than just the way you've shared it there. But I.

:: 09:56

Do appreciate that.

:: 09:58

Yeah, because people always might look at me because I am a going I'm interested in people and and people might look at, you know, people look and go. Gosh, you've got everything made. You mean life must be easy. You just make these assumptions, don't you? But I've gone through the trenches, but that's what it. But it's because I think you've got that.

:: 10:18

:: 10:19

Mindset of this is.

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Not.

:: 10:23

There must be more.

:: 10:25

You know the story doesn't end here, Jeremy.

:: 10:28

It's.

:: 10:28

Yeah, I need to have hope in my life. Hope when you wake up in the morning today.

:: 10:33

Is gonna be a.

:: 10:34

Great day. It's, you know, I mean, who can I help today? I mean, what wonderful person's gonna come into my life today? You know what?

:: 10:41

Is in the.

:: 10:41

Interest. Am I going to find out or?

:: 10:45

Hear today, so I think it's mindset and hope and belief. I think.

:: 10:50

Nice.

:: 10:52

Words I might want to share with you today.

:: 10:54

Yeah, they're lovely. And I think again, people can just try, try those on almost what you know, wondering what that might be because one of the things I often talk about is that it can feel quite overwhelming with all of the things that we need to do.

:: 11:10

And actually just focusing on some small piece.

:: 11:14

That could be hope.

:: 11:15

Or just checking how you feel about this, or where's your attention? Is it internally or externally? I think from there people can start to make the changes that they want. And again, everyone starts seeing starting point.

:: 11:26

Might be different.

:: 11:27

And they're only point actually might be different as well, but I certainly understand quite a lot about people's personalities. And I do believe that when we have a better understanding of ourselves, we can do one of two things. One, we can be ourselves, which is sounds crazy, but we still have to work on being that.

:: 11:47

And it also helps you understand that everyone isn't the same as you. So we can stop expecting people to be the same to say the same, to behave in the same way, because that in itself is a trap, isn't it?

:: 12:00

And that's what when I do the teaching, the biggest saying that people remember is that people are different, not difficult. Because what you find difficult is different. Yeah. And how many people get frustrated where someone's doing something? They're.

:: 12:15

Just why you doing it that way?

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Yeah.

:: 12:18

Because they're just not you, it's and it's how they do things.

:: 12:21

But people are different, but we are predicting the different. And when I I like to. So when I I discovered this and.

:: 12:28

I thought, Oh my God.

:: 12:29

Everyone needs to know this.

:: 12:31

Because in the corporate world, you have a leadership team where there's ten different different personalities and they're a leadership team.

:: 12:38

And and these people impact, you know, you know that the impact so many everybody in the workplace, don't they? But you don't get taught people skills. Maybe it's like, no, there's no.

:: 12:44

Yeah.

:: 12:49

Way we get pulled out of.

:: 12:50

School, where we get taught right? This is. This is how you deal with different types of people and personality. And it was just.

:: 12:58

With me, you get taught skills.

:: 13:00

To me, academia, but not the biggest thing of all, because you have to speak to a person to get something done.

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Yep.

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Yeah.

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100% yeah. And I spend a lot of time working with leaders and managers, helping them be able to understand themselves first so that they can then see how they might communicate differently to all the different people that are in their team. And I think that's the the overwhelming bit, you know, people.

:: 13:09

But yeah.

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I'll.

:: 13:29

Complex. They're only complex because we're all different, and I think that's where, you know, things like pausing and asking yourself, you know, what's going on for me and why is this person in front of me doing this thing in a different way to what I hoped they've done? Is it about your communication about the way you described it, or is it just about your differences?

:: 13:50

And I think from there there is so much wealth in being able to just notice. I mean I work in.

:: 13:56

And you know, when I work often with some of the groups there, you know that for them to suddenly realise that everyone isn't thinking like them. I've had a couple of them have gone, but wow, I wished I had known that.

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That.

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Because I think that's the biggest myth that you, you get frustrated because people think that.

:: 14:15

They're doing it just to **** them off, cause sorry to swear it remembering work people got, they're just doing.

:: 14:20

It to an.

:: 14:20

I mean like they're not. I I I seriously trust me. They're not even thinking about you. Even in the gym. Do you know, like, when you first go to the gym or something or a class or something, you get.

:: 14:32

So you're just worried that everyone's looking at you? Don't look at me, not trust me. They're not looking at you. They're so in their own head. Aren't you? Think about the wrong thing.

:: 14:41

That's it.

:: 14:42

But I think that's the the first step to having that inner worth, that inner self-confidence is stop being worried. What everybody else is doing. And just if you could turn that attention on yourself.

:: 14:53

Yeah. Stay in your own lane. It's something that I'm often talking about, you know, be be in your own lane. It doesn't matter. Yes, you can look at other people for inspiration, but only if it does that.

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If if you're not inspired to think you know what I want, a little bit of that or.

:: 15:08

I wanna learn.

:: 15:09

How to do that thing? Unless you're doing that, it's not even worth looking. Who cares what everyone else is doing? Really. We care far too much. As humans, the brain is very selfish and it is only thinking about ourselves. And yes, we spend all this time.

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Looking at all these different people and wondering what they're doing, it's just it's almost crazy.

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Yeah. And I'm.

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Not too sure if.

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If it's an age thing as well, do you know what I mean.

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This.

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Do you remember? You know when people get over this and go. I don't care. I can go out with no makeup. Now. Just me. Yeah, I don't care what I look like. And I mean, I'm just happy in my own skin.

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Is it an age thing? I don't know.

:: 15:50

I think some of it is I think for definite some of it is I think people do start to take themselves less seriously or.

:: 15:57

Kind of don't put themselves under any great pressure, but for me it's what's underneath that that feeds it. So if there's even no matter how old you.

:: 16:07

Are if you've been.

:: 16:09

Brought up where you were told you're not good enough. That thing, no matter how old you.

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Are it's still in there, it's.

:: 16:15

Still possibly could pop up at any time.

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So for me it's making sure that we've kind of worked on some of those old behaviours and beliefs that used to serve you, you know, they were they were 100% your safety net.

:: 16:32

And we've got our differences, which come from so many different ways, so many different routes, really, which obviously your profile that you use highlights those and helps people.

:: 16:43

And I I.

:: 16:44

Use it every day because it's lifes evolving and changing, so I'm happily married now I've got a manifested a wonderful husband and our life changing and growing and our goals and visions and our aims are changing but.

:: 17:03

And opportunities are coming my way. So I still use this to this day to.

:: 17:08

So is this going to not play to my strength? Yeah, I wanna say play to my strengths because opportunities are coming and to other people. So Phil is the opposite to me. He's he's a he's reserved task. He's gonna do that. That's ace. I'm like, yeah. But if I I couldn't imagine myself doing it for a long time.

:: 17:28

Because I I need interaction, I need people. That's what lights me up, do you know what I mean. So even when opportunities to come into this day, I still fall back to.

:: 17:39

Who am I? Where do I thrive? What are my qualities? What are my strengths? Where do I? Yeah, what environments do I? Thrive in. Yeah, I think we forget. We forget when? Like when jobs are presented to your, you know, you need to be thinking or even people to mean new boyfriends, new girlfriends.

:: 17:59

And the environment you're going to open yourselves up to. I'm always falling back onto a model that I go.

:: 18:07

Do I feel safe that the first thing is is do I feel safe? This is, it's a good place for me and.

:: 18:13

And if it's not, I understand sometimes you might be environments that you can't change or quickly or move away from. My first coach, and I've had a coach now since for the last five years, you know, someone who can help me and inspire me every day. And she said to me, you know, I mean you need.

:: 18:33

For every negative person in your life, you need to surround yourself with five positive people.

:: 18:41

And and if you might have.

:: 18:44

Some negative people, not you know, not very helpful people in your life. Maybe try and spend less time with them. Umm, and and more time with others. So you're not, you know, you know, sometimes you can't remove yourself in those situations, but you can certainly say ohh I'm not available right now.

:: 19:03

All of that.

:: 19:04

And yeah.

:: 19:06

I think it's so important, isn't it, to actually.

:: 19:08

Acknowledge 2 things you've acknowledged. There is one you can sort of flush out. Somebody who you might be a bit stuck with in your life because they're in your family or there's there's something there's other reason making sure that you have got those people, but also just giving yourself that permission to maybe say no to that person or spend slightly less time, or make sure you've got a mechanism to top yourself.

:: 19:30

Back up as soon as you've left their company, because there are people out there who are rude hoovers, who.

:: 19:36

Will come in and take everything from you, but.

:: 19:40

One of the things I think we need to pay attention to in those situations, again, it's about your boundaries and self worth is you know what?

:: 19:48

What are they doing with you around you? Are they affecting too much of you? Are they being negative and bringing you down with them? Or are you able to just be in their space and stay kind of outside and then leave and get on with your own day?

:: 20:05

So important, isn't it? Brilliant. OK. So have you got a little word of wisdom to finish this off? Something else that pops in your mind and put me on the spot here because.

:: 20:07

Yes.

:: 20:15

I was going to do that.

:: 20:16

There's a word being used a lot. Being authentic, isn't it be? And. And I just want to say just do the.

:: 20:24

You.

:: 20:25

And if you don't know who you are.

:: 20:29

Then that's your biggest project.

:: 20:31

Loves that. What a brilliant way of putting it as well. You know, you're right. I I'm the same. I'm hearing a lot of people talk about, you know, it's important to be authentic and you know, authentic means so many different things to so many people and some of the pressure that is coming from that idea of being authentic when people don't even know what that is.

:: 20:52

It that I think it's switching people off, it's making them worry. It's making them feel overwhelmed with all the things that that we do. So I I'm a big.

:: 21:01

Believer in us, we've got to just be us be us.

:: 21:04

Themselves, and regardless of who else they have an opinion on that or, you know, my journey was very much. I was desperately trying to please everyone else for a long time, and in the long run made myself miserable. So I think that's a great reminder that all we're doing is be you. But.

:: 21:24

If you don't know who that is, then there is your project to go.

:: 21:27

And you are even if you don't feel.

:: 21:32

Valued or appreciated, you just changed so close friends, so I was a qualified accountant and I was always the odd one out because I might grown people and they kept some they kept and I will process. I just they just kept saying rolling her eyes and they've got issues again. You're just in the wrong environment. There's that. There's that. I've seen it on the social media.

:: 21:52

Quite a few times where, UM, this was one this father gave his daughter and.

:: 21:59

An old crappy car and he said both these three places and get it valued to the first place, one would give him nothing in second place £250, but the third place who knew its true value would give her like 200,000 lbs because it's all about you just need to be in the right environments to to really show your true value.

:: 22:19

And I'm just keep keep. Just keep going because.

:: 22:23

You try it out there.

:: 22:25

Yeah, 100% Findy tribe and and also it's that little baby steps, isn't it? That not feeling overwhelmed trying to fix everything that doesn't quite feel right cause, you know, a lot of people out there who are bumbling along, they're quite happy they're OK, but they're not. Can't ever getting to that, that real bit of themselves where they can just go out there and be.

:: 22:46

Be courageous and do the thing that they.

:: 22:49

That is their thing, weblist.

:: 22:50

Like the word courageous as well or edge, it is that the big that's what you need. Not adults whose confidence is is I think it's the courage.

:: 22:52

Yeah, it's a brilliant word.

:: 22:58

To become, I don't know.

:: 23:00

But also the courage to to be vulnerable, the courage to maybe not work out, you know, I think so many people are so afraid of things not working out that they don't go for it. But you know which is the biggest fear. Staying stagnant.

:: 23:12

In.

:: 23:16

Or having a go and and learning from it. You know for me just having that go is just so important, isn't it? Yeah. Brilliant. Thank you so much for your time today and for coming and sharing your thoughts and wisdom with everyone.

:: 23:31

Welcome.

:: 23:32

Thank you so much.

:: 23:37

Thank you for listening and sharing in this episode of Mental Wealth. Remember, you can subscribe wherever you get your pot.

:: 23:46

My last question to you is what is the one small thing that you can take action on from this episode? Message me on Instagram or through our website with questions you'd like.

:: 23:58

Me to explore.

:: 23:59

You'll find the links in the show notes.

:: 24:02

I'll be back with more tools and.

:: 24:03

Tips to make sense of your mind in the next episode.

:: 24:07

In the meantime, be.

:: 24:08

Kind to yourself. Bye for now.