Digging Deep w/ Mel Kelly

Episode 25 - Digging deep

Transcript

:: 00:03

Welcome to mental wealth, the podcast to invest in your mind. Here I will help you make sense of your mind and behaviours, giving you the tools to have your best life. There is so much to share, so let's get into this episode and explore another great topic.

:: 00:22

So welcome to episode 25. I am delighted that you are here with me and I have a very special guest with me today in this episode, we're gonna talk about resilience. We're gonna talk about resilience in a different way to maybe the way that we often talk about it. We often talk about resilience being our bounce back.

:: 00:41

Our ability to be able to cope with something that's happened, but what I'm interested in is sharing when it's happening and I think that's something that's really different. So I have a special guest with me today and I would like to welcome Mel Kelly.

:: 00:56

Hi, thanks for having me.

:: 00:57

Brilliant. So I want to.

:: 00:59

Share a little bit about how Mel and I met.

:: 01:01

Because it was in September this year and she and I signed up independently to the Yorkshire Three Peaks for a charity called Moves against Cancer. Mel and I were in the same group, and I think it'd be brilliant for us to talk a little bit about what it was like.

:: 01:18

Pushing through that, but I also want to bring Mel's own story in because I think it will really inspire people to think about themselves and how sometimes we find and dig deep and it's it's a good thing, isn't it? So now let's start with telling everyone a little bit more about you.

:: 01:38

Absolutely. Yeah. So I'm 23 and last year in September I started suffering with headaches and I first went to the opticians and they told me I was fine and I needed to go to the doctors.

:: 01:52

To get more tests.

:: 01:54

And upon going to the doctor's, I was diagnosed with a sinus infection a few days later, I couldn't get out of bed, so I went back to.

:: 02:01

The Doctor's, and they didn't lay a finger on me. No tests or anything like that. And they told me to finish the medication and it's nothing neurological, nothing to worry about. I'll be absolutely fine.

:: 02:14

I went home and finished the meds and low and behold, a few days later I was back in the doctor's undergoing more tests and this time I was diagnosed with migraine.

:: 02:23

What they thought to be migraines and and then I was carrying on with medication and things like that. But things were getting worse. I was losing my balance. I was losing my vision, my headaches getting worse, and I started being nauseous and vomiting and things like that. And then towards the end of.

:: 02:43

November I lost my vision.

:: 02:46

Completely lost my vision. Double vision. It was awful and I was told to fill in any consult and the doctors will get back to me within up to two weeks.

:: 02:56

But within the time of me filling out that econsults and the doctor's getting back to me, I went on holiday for five days to Lanzarote a little winter break.

:: 03:06

And upon coming back from Lanzarote, I had a call from the doctors and he basically told me to up my medication at the time and I was told to go and see an ophthalmologist within the hour for my vision loss.

:: 03:20

So got ophthalmology and they done some tests and stuff and they took one look at me and basically said I needed to go straight to hospital to have a scan. There was something behind my eyes. They couldn't see what it was and they didn't want to necessarily frighten me without having the results.

:: 03:37

And I turned round and said to the guy I said, do I need to go now? I was like, I've got an MRI booked in for Friday because of another test that came back. I had really high prolactin levels, which is produced by a pituitary gland in your brain.

:: 03:53

And he said no, he said he needs to go to the hospital now it's it's already been left too long and at this point I was confused on what had been.

:: 04:00

Left too long.

:: 04:01

So that was on the 19th of December I went to get a scan and then a few hours later I was diagnosed with a brain tumour and blew lighted to the Walton Centre.

:: 04:12

I think something that I want to just highlight again is now it's 22 and to have gone through.

:: 04:19

All of that.

:: 04:20

Just even that little bit of the story, because obviously there's so much more to the story. It just shows what actually people can cope with. And I'm sure there's times where you felt like you weren't coping with it, but in the name you did and you have and we're going to talk later about the walk that we did. So something that I would love.

:: 04:41

To ask you, Mel is a little bit about.

:: 04:43

But how you did it really, you know, so that listeners can hear something like this story because it will touch people and help them be able to maybe make sense of things that they're struggling with. Because I know when I was walking along with you, if I felt a bit.

:: 04:58

Like oh I'm.

:: 04:59

Running out of steam, if you just look at you and think get on with it.

:: 05:05

Yeah. So I think for me the, the, the one thing that I can.

:: 05:10

Take away from it or say how I've managed to get through it. I mean, I'm still. I'm still going strong now. I'm not even 10 months post surgery, so it's still quite new to me, but I think.

:: 05:22

Is a quote from Steve Jobs and I.

:: 05:24

Think the only.

:: 05:25

Way to do great work is to love what you do, and I think in order for me to get through, I have to be positive. I'm a positive person anyway and I just have to face my diagnosis and treatment with like determination and a positive outlook. And I kind of started to see it as.

:: 05:43

An opportunity for growth. I'm not a roadblock and my life has took a completely different turn, and yet there's things I still can't do anymore, but I think.

:: 05:54

If it hadn't have happened, we wouldn't have met. I wouldn't be on this podcast and so many other things that I've taken from this awful experience and turned it into such a positive one.

:: 06:06

So powerful to hear you say that, and and so insightful that someone at your.

:: 06:10

Age, and I wonder whether.

:: 06:12

There's a part of you that kind of thinks about.

:: 06:15

Not just the fact that you.

:: 06:16

Are young, but the fact that if there were young, other young people listening to this, who maybe haven't had anything like this, I'm sure you've got friends who've you know nothing like this has happened to them.

:: 06:27

That and then kind of what they're saying about ohh, this isn't working. Oh, that's no good or that. But what would you say? What do you say to people who sort of?

:: 06:36

And moaning about things that are really quite minor cause, let's be honest. As humans, we do, don't we? We spend a fair bit of time being negative and moaning about things that are actually quite small. What kind of things do you say to them now, Mel?

:: 06:48

Get on with it. I think until your.

:: 06:56

Diagnosed or treated with something like a brain tumour or something like that. I think it kind of makes you realise that things in life that.

:: 07:05

We worry about on a day-to-day basis, but are actually quite trivial and I think for me to have a full craniotomy and go through surgery 2 two days before Christmas. So I was diagnosed on the 19th and underwent surgery on the 23rd. I think for me to even grasp what was going on in such a short space of time.

:: 07:25

The days literally you just have to get on with it. But it's one of them. Like you. You can't lose hope. And I think if you lose that hope.

:: 07:35

It's it'll take you, it'll snatch you. And I think in order to.

:: 07:39

Keep positive and keep pushing and be able to get the most out of the treatments and things that are happening. The bad stuff you have to try and influence it with some of the goals that you still need to do something you still need to be surrounded by your family and your friends, but I think at the end of the day, yeah, you've just gotta you've just gotta get on with it.

:: 07:57

I think one of the things and one of the reasons why I was really taken by you and your story and wanted you to come and share here is because we don't have to have gone through what you.

:: 08:08

Have been through.

:: 08:10

The people who are listening, but actually to hear Someone Like You saying just get on with it, you know, I know there's lots of factors in that and sometimes we have to look at life.

:: 08:19

Through a certain lens and be able to identify what we wanna get on with. But that's my big thing, you know.

:: 08:25

Let's do it.

:: 08:26

Let's work out how.

:: 08:27

We're going to do whatever it is that you're trying.

:: 08:29

To do and let's just get on with.

:: 08:30

It and I think yeah. And I just, I just think.

:: 08:31

100%.

:: 08:33

Hearing you saying that.

:: 08:36

And on the walk and hear you saying it now, just it does make people, I hope, listening in whatever it is that you're maybe not doing or not pushing yourself for, or maybe having a little more but just work out how the heck are you gonna just do it, as Mel says?

:: 08:53

Absolutely. And I think there's some, there's certain barriers and boundaries and life that stop us from doing certain things that we wanna do or achieve and stuff like that. But I'm gonna like this back to the walk now, Alison, because when we were on the walk, your shoes broke. I had a dodgy knee. I just. I just kept thinking myself.

:: 09:12

Like I just need to move, I just need to do what this charity is telling me to do and move and put one step in front of the other. Get on with it. You know, like, this feels awful now, but I'll feel great tomorrow. And like, comparing myself to what I have been through and being six months ago or whatever, I would never imagine.

:: 09:32

Do anything like that even even now? Like it's crazy. But to say that we both turned up on our own and and just got a little bit basically really, really, really good. And I think, you know, one of the things I.

:: 09:47

Felt on that.

:: 09:49

Day was that connection with others and that there's something really strong about pulling together when you are doing something like that, isn't it? And I think again that's for me a bit of the jigsaw when you're thinking about just doing it, whatever your it is, but also you know doing it and being surrounded by people who are our supporters. I mean, I know we we are all encouraging.

:: 10:09

Each other, and there was times where we were all chatting or people were chatting in different conversations. And then there was other.

:: 10:16

Times where we were.

:: 10:17

Walking along on our own because we were digging a bit deep and we were having to kind of have a bit of a word probably I certainly.

:: 10:24

Was, yeah, definitely and I think.

:: 10:28

I think that's the one thing that kind of allowed everyone in our group, especially to stay together because.

:: 10:37

It was such a different mix of people there was myself, there was you. There was a 32 times ex international rugby player. There was a BBC presenter we were with so many different people and I think that's that's one thing I think when you're all in that same scenario.

:: 10:55

And situation you all have to dig deeper in order to get not only yourself, but each other through it as well.

:: 11:02

Definitely, definitely. We stuck together as a group, didn't we? When Caroline Brownwell, who has been a guest on my show, she was in our group and she, you know, she we were pulling along with her, weren't we? And that was what was incredible. But one of the things I wanna talk to you about now is and see if you know, similar experience to me is what I, one of the things I was really surprised about.

:: 11:23

So myself physically so with the mental push, and then it's the physical push and it's the connection between the two that having a word with yourself and then they're keeping your legs going. I mean, it was it was it wasn't it. But I think one of the things I really became really obvious to me was this thing that we've got.

:: 11:42

There's there's, there's.

:: 11:43

Always a bit more.

:: 11:45

And I haven't. I haven't had an experience like that and I'm sure you have because of obviously what you've been through. But again, the listeners just knowing that you can push yourself and then there's always a bit more because we worked the 2nd mountain and we had to come down and we still have a third one to do. And we were so determined to do that third one.

:: 12:05

We did have to dig deep, but how would you describe that experience?

:: 12:10

I think like you say it's it always comes down to the the mental aspect of it and then obviously the physical of moving your body. And like I said before, for everything I've been through the past few months, it has been more than anything, the mental challenge. I'm just trying to rest and recover physically and mentally, but.

:: 12:29

Obviously because it's my brain as well. I can't. I can't switch off at all. I'm constantly on the go, so obviously takes me a little bit long to recover in that sense, but I think.

:: 12:38

The thing for me is physically I don't think I'd ever experienced anything like that myself either. I think it was such a big.

:: 12:45

Ask and I remember saying to one of the women that I before I said.

:: 12:49

I don't think I can do this.

:: 12:51

And I had such a a negative mindset towards it, like a week or so before we started, and then leading up I was. I was thinking, I'm not gonna be able to do this. I haven't done any training. I'm not fit enough. And I kept listening. All these excuses almost. And I I I said to myself on the day I said right. I'm gonna get up. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do what I can.

:: 13:11

And then when?

:: 13:12

I heard about the cut off for the third peak because we have to be at a certain checkpoint in time in order to qualify for the third peak.

:: 13:21

I done what you said before and I and I took myself aside and I had a little word with myself and I was going with my walking poles. We were heading down towards the viaduct and I just said to myself, I said I cannot get to this second peak. Complete the second peak and then not not get to the checkpoint for half three. I thought there's no way. I said I have to.

:: 13:41

Basically, do this now I'm in it, and I know people stopped after the first one and so on, and people stopped after the 2nd and you could just you could do what you felt capable of doing.

:: 13:52

But I knew mentally somewhere in there I knew I was capable of doing all three.

:: 13:57

My legs might not have felt it and I like the after the first one I was shattered. I thought there's no way I've got two more left in me, especially with the five hour walk between the first one and the second one, but I think 100% and you've always got that little bit extra, whether it is physically or mentally. And I think with other people around, you're doing similar things or maybe going through similar things.

:: 14:17

You just have to push each other through and help each.

:: 14:19

Other get by.

:: 14:20

We really do.

:: 14:21

And that and that is exactly what was almost quite addictive, I think is.

:: 14:24

That, that pull, that drive system we were.

:: 14:27

All are determined right way that we were going to do that third peak and we were coming in practically in the dark. But it was, I mean, it was exhilarating, even though it was, we were exhausted. But do you remember the coming up the first peak though that the the the sense of achievement, wasn't it? It was absolutely cool like we've done.

:: 14:48

The summit the summit just appeared out of nowhere and it was like the heavens had opened. And then you go to the top and you thought, oh, no, we're gonna do this two more time, you know. Yeah, it.

:: 14:57

Was it was really. Yeah.

:: 15:00

It was a I I felt like then when we got to the top of our first peak because I was in the middle of a conversation with somebody else at this point and then it's just appeared.

:: 15:08

:: 15:09

The summit, I mean like, way we all started celebrating and hugging each other and getting photos and stuff like that. And I think it's moments like that that make you appreciate why you're doing it.

:: 15:19

And how far you can go in terms of your own abilities, yeah.

:: 15:25

And I think that is the message, isn't it? It's how far you can go.

:: 15:29

There seems to be a lot more the capacity that we have as humans physically and mentally is absolutely enormous, and I, you know, I I've always talked about this because it's what I do, but that experience for me personally has shown me something else. So it's made me even more determined. And I think the other thing that it was a brilliant metaphor.

:: 15:50

So with how we can sometimes see life.

:: 15:54

Because we have to see them at each mountain, didn't we? In chunks? We couldn't think about the whole thing. The whole walk, the whole 12.

:: 16:03

Hours in one.

:: 16:03

Thought we had to think about just this chunk, just that chunk, just the next stage, just the next bit, because otherwise it was just, yeah, it it probably felt like.

:: 16:14

Well, all those silly thoughts would come, but actually that isn't that a great metaphor for life. Just one chunk, one step, one stage. What do you think about?

:: 16:25

Absolutely. Yeah. So in terms of me and myself in the past few months, I think that is how I've had to.

:: 16:33

Carry on with life and you've hit the nail on the head of it there I think.

:: 16:37

In terms of, I've just gotta get through this scan or I've just gotta get through this appointment or I've just gotta get through this. Treatments like you just have to get through things and.

:: 16:46

I think that is the mental challenge sometimes, and like sometimes we forget.

:: 16:53

Strong and still eat the human body is because you think I've just gotta get through this chunk and then you get through that chunk and you think.

:: 16:59

Oh, it's fine. But now I've gotta get through this and so on. And I think sometimes, as as humans, we do overthink things more, I think it's just natural, isn't it? We overthink things more a lot more than probably what we're aware of.

:: 17:13

Definitely because, I mean, if if I'd thought in detail about that walk, I think you and I might have been going back home at the at the beginning, but I didn't. I signed up about 5 weeks before because of Caroline Brownwell and.

:: 17:31

Did they? Will. I've done some training with with my boot camp that I do anyway, and I done a little bit more, but not.

:: 17:39

A lot.

:: 17:40

And I think I just went and said you.

:: 17:42

Know what my mindset is? Pretty strong. I'm just going to make it happen and go along with it and then being pulled along with everyone else was tenfold.

:: 17:52

And that's, you know, if I've done that on my own, I think I don't know what would have happened, but pulling being pulled, you know, with you and read me and some of the other people, as you say in our group was just incredible. And yeah, it was the real sense of achievement. But I think, you know, for me it's it is.

:: 18:08

That what is it that it brings you when you push yourself to do something, whatever your thing is, what does it bring you? What else?

:: 18:17

Do you gain and?

:: 18:18

What? How would you describe? What do you think you've gained as a result of doing that particular exercise?

:: 18:25

So I think for me, I mean this is this is a long.

:: 18:29

But before I was diagnosed and things like that, I was I was constantly on the go and I was constantly doing things and I'd practically only come home to sleep and so on. And I was just constantly busy. But I think in terms of my treatments and stuff like that, I lost my confidence completely.

:: 18:50

Lost my confidence, my self esteem and things like that. And if you said to me in January of this year, in like 9-10 months, you're gonna go to.

:: 19:01

The Yorkshire Free Peaks on your own and do this challenge and all these people, I would have said, no way, no way. Count me out. But I think over the past few months, like with things I've been doing and helping myself recover. Basically I've been trying to raise money and raise awareness for brain tumours and charities that have helped me along the way.

:: 19:23

I think that's partially the reason why I signed up to the three peaks was because the the move against cancer programme or charity or whatever is an 8 week cancer rehab rehabilitation programme for people like myself that have been through cancer treatment or or still on cancer treatment with consent, they're allowed to sign up for this state week.

:: 19:44

And I think if it wasn't for the move programme, I honestly don't know where I would be. The work they do is absolutely incredible and the people who work there are.

:: 19:55

Oh, I can't even describe them. They're just beyond words. But I think they'll support the charities like that can give to people like me and help me regain my confidence and get myself back out there and then start doing things to help them and return. I think it's massive. So that's that's that's why I signed up to it. And I think more than anything, it's it's given me the.

:: 20:15

Confidence back to be able to go out there and challenge myself to other things now.

:: 20:20

Yeah, me too. I always thought that that event was gonna be like a one off. Kind of. Yep. I've done that kind of thing, and now I have to say I'm thinking. Ohh, what's next? We might be doing that. Yeah, definitely. Mercedes just about recovered. So we'll see. We'll, we'll watch this space for that. But I think one of the things that's really important.

:: 20:40

For us to say is the charity or the charities that you support and we can definitely put those in the show notes for people to have a look at, but do you want to say anything else about your other work or the charities that you are raising the profile of?

:: 20:57

Yes. So back in March, I made a promise to myself to raise awareness and awareness for brain tumours, but also raise money for the charities that have helped me along the way. So back in March to Mark 12 weeks recovery, I walked 12 miles for the brain tumour charity.

:: 21:17

And then a few months later, I organised a music festival at my old high school, again for the brain tumour charity.

:: 21:25

o far I've managed to raise £: 9693

:: 21:42

Oh wow. Why was this? Why was this? Why was?

:: 21:45

This so there's not.

:: 21:46

Only the money that you've raised for, for those kind of charities, but also what you are achieving for yourself, it has to be acknowledged.

:: 21:56

Which is off.

:: 21:57

The scale. Brilliant. You blew me away on the walk and you're still doing that again today and I hope that people listening just feel that story, but feel the passion, feel the drive and the motivation that you've got.

:: 22:11

And whatever it is, whoever's listening in is wishing they might do, hoping they might do putting us not getting done whatever it is. Maybe, just maybe you might find a way to push yourself.

:: 22:27

Absolutely. And I think more than anything, you just have to embrace the challenges and build resilience and surround yourself with a a good strong support system. And at the end of the.

:: 22:37

Day if you.

:: 22:37

Can do that. Your attitudes can turn any obstacles into an opportunity.

:: 22:42

There's a statement, there's a statement said fantastic. Ohh, thank you so much for coming and telling everyone a little bit about your story.

:: 22:53

I am excited to see what you do next now and where you go and how you can keep this whole thing that you've gained as you say, as a result of something that could have been a complete opposite and no at times would have been so hard for you and your family. But just to know that.

:: 23:11

Yeah, who knows where you're going to go and what?

:: 23:13

You're going to do.

:: 23:14

I think it's absolutely amazing. So thank you so much for coming and she.

:: 23:19

Thank you for having me.

:: 23:20

You're welcome. So in next week's episode, we are going to talk about purpose again, and I have a guest may or may Holbrook. So I hope you can join me then.

:: 23:35

Thank you.

:: 23:36

Listening and sharing in this episode of Mental Wealth. Remember, you can subscribe wherever you get your podcast. My last question to you is what is the one small thing that you can take action on from this episode? Message me.

:: 23:53

On Instagram or through our website with questions you'd like me to?

:: 23:56

Well, you'll find the links in the show notes. I'll be back with more tools and tips to make sense of your mind in the next episode.

:: 24:05

In the meantime, be.

:: 24:06

Kind to yourself. Bye for now.